Wells River Gazette
Sunday, August 17th, 1969
Rock and Roll Musicians Guests of Local Hippies
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Yesterday, we reported on the surprise appearance in town of the rock and roll combo, Marmalade Skies.
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As we are all well aware, the New York “Woodstock” festival that was the band’s intended destination is proceeding as planned, accompanied by the expected destruction and mayhem. The event drew almost all Karma Club commune members, promising to give our town a much-needed respite from the hippie presence. Marmalade Skies, however, have camped out at the Karma Club and have embarked on a festival of their own…
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Residents near the commune have reported a noticeable increase in the volume of music polluting the area, but, so far, there have been no reports of violence or drug activity. Authorities are on alert, however, and have been keeping a watchful eye for our protection.
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We are pleased to report that Marmalade Skies plans to depart Wells River tomorrow morning to begin a concert tour. Their first stop will be in the Berkshires of Massachusetts, and we extend our condolences to that unfortunate community.
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Citizens should be warned that the coming week will bring the return of many Karma Club residents from their weekend of debauchery.
No Progress in Vandalism Investigation
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Yesterday, we reported on the savage vandalization of the statue of our beloved town father, Ezekiel Wells. Readers will recall that the arms of our beloved founder were lopped off by mindless miscreants.
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It is with sadness that we report that the criminals are still at large, and that the police report no new leads.
Hippies on
Last Legs
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We are pleased to report that the Karma Club commune has yet to remit the property taxes due on their 20-acre property.
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Karma Club leader Abbie Rosen could not be reached for comment, but Town Council member Chris Champion is hopeful that Wells River’s uninvited and unwanted “age of Aquarius” will soon be over.
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“This will be their Waterloo,” Champion says. “We’ve tried before, but have never yet had such a legally valid opportunity to rid ourselves of these hippies for once and for all.”
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The commune has until midnight tonight to pay their back taxes. If they fail, eviction proceedings will proceed tomorrow morning.
Let us all keep our collective fingers crossed.
Bonnie & Clyde Strike Again
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The brazen bank robbers labeled Bonnie & Clyde, after the celebrated outlaws, have struck again. This time, they looted the First Bank of New Hampshire in North Dorchester.
This is the latest in a chain of robberies over the past year perpetrated by the daring duo packing Colt 45s and disguising themselves behind bandanas. Police, as yet, have made no progress in the case.
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In the past, such crimes have been followed by anonymous donations to local charities in amounts equal to half of the stolen money. While we suspect this is probably an odd coincidence, we will check in with local shelters and orphanages to see if the trend continues.